The butterflies

I remember one of the first times I got the “butterflies”. I was standing in front of the sink washing bottles ready for the steriliser, staring out the window and feeling my stomach sink and flip at the same time. I still get that feeling from time to time. It’s like “butterflies” but it wasn‘t a happy excited feeling. My daughter was probably only a month or two old. Around that time I also started feeling terrified that we would have some kind of natural disaster and I made my husband work out a plan for where we would go and how we would meet up, should we not be able to communicate by phone. We stocked up on water and canned goods. All completely normal for a new mum right? Well, I thought so...

Reflecting back on that time and the next two years that followed, I had another baby (17 months between them), and my second child had a very rough start. It never occurred to me that I was struggling with my mental well-being and resilience. At my lowest points I remember thinking “I’ll feel better tomorrow”. It’s just a phase.

They never teach you about mental health during ante-natal. Post-natal depression gets mentioned as something “to look out for” for both parents. For me, it was the butterflies...if someone had told me that these butterflies were my body’s way of saying “Hey lady, you need to look after yourself...or it‘s all gunna go downhill from here”...and had helped me to learn what I have collated into Mindset Cards over the last two years, those early years being a new Mum might not have been so tough. It goes by so fast...

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